Simcha Minhagim

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
There’s a well known Jewish joke, that the last time a husband will have a chance to put his foot down will be at his Chupah, when he steps on the glass after the marriage ceremony.
Where did this custom of breaking the glass come from?
A story is related in the Gemorrah (Brachos 30b) that when Mar, Ravina’s son married off his own son, Mar noticed that the rabbis were getting too merry. He grabbed a glass valued at 400 Zuz and smashed it in front of them, sobering them up. When Rav Ashi made a wedding for his son, he too was not pleased with the great merriment either, and he took a very expensive white glass and broke it in front of the guests, reducing their level of revelry.
The tradition of the father of the groom breaking a glass was thus begun. It evolved in time, to the groom himself breaking the glass with the reason attributed to the verses in Tehillim chapter 137: 5-6, “If I forget you Jerusalem… if I do not bring Jerusalem to mind at the height of my joy.”  Even during our greatest joy, we should have the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem on our minds.
The glass was originally broken by smashing it against the wall. After some time, the custom changed to the glass being stepped on. Warding off evil spirits has also been a reason attributed to the breaking of the glass.
The glass  made from plain sand and turned into a beautiful vessel through craftsmanship, is an allegory for man, who is made from dust and after being crafted into a human, will return to dust. During our greatest joy, when we are supposed to be on a high, we are brought down to earth.
Ironically, although the breaking of the glass is supposed to temper the Simcha, it has turned into the point when the Simcha increases with an explosion  of music and dancing.
The breaking of the glass was foreshadowed by the two mothers of the Chosson and Kallah breaking a ceramic plate together at the Tenaim ceremony, performed months earlier  when the couple had become engaged or prior to the wedding ceremony itself.
The mothers’  breaking of the plate  symbolized the” breaking” of the childhood homes as they previously existed, and a new, combined family being created. The destruction of the Bais Hamikdash is recalled by the women breaking the plate as well. The broken plate pieces are handed out to the Kallah’s friends as a segulah for them to become engaged.
From where is the concept of the canopy or Chuppah derived?
The word Chuppah appears in Tehillim (19:6) Vehu Kechosson Yotzeh Michupaso– “And he as a groom comes out of his Chupah” and in Trei Asar (Yoel 2:16) Yetsei Chosson Meichedro VeKallah MeiChupasa “Let the chosson exit his chamber and the Kallah from her Chupah.”
In the Gemorrah (Gittin 57a) a reference to the Chupah is given. “It was the custom. when a boy was born to plant a cedar tree and when a girl was born to plant a pine tree. When they married, the trees were cut down and a canopy made of the branches.
The bridal canopy, a piece of tapestry attached to four poles as we are familiar with today, is not the Chupah referred to in the aforementioned verses. The latter seems to have originated during the time of the Rama in the sixteenth century.
In his “Sefer HaIttur.” Rabbi Yitzchak Bar Abba Mari of Marseilles (Circa 1122-1193) describes the Chuppah “Now the chuppah is when her father delivers her unto her husband, bringing her into that house wherein is some new innovation, such as the sheets… surrounding the walls, etc. For we recite in the Jerusalem Talmud, Sotah 46a, ‘Those bridal chambers, (chuppoth hathanim), they hang within them patterned sheets and gold-embroidered ribbons,’ etc.”
In Yemen the Jewish Chupah was not a canopy but rather, a bridal chamber which was a room in the house of the groom. The room was decorated with large hanging sheets of colored, patterned cloth, with wall cushions and short mattresses for reclining. The couple would enter this room which would be considered the Chupah.
The literal meaning of Chupah is “encompassing” and when the couple is in or under the Chupah they are encompassed with the Divine Presence.
The construction of today’s chuppah is simple: a cloth or tallit (used by Yekkes and Sephardim) is spread over four poles. Halachically this constitutes a private domain and it transforms the chuppah, technically into the groom’s private home.
The four open sides symbolize the home of Avraham Avinu who greeted guests through four entrances.
The Henna Ceremony
In Shir Hashirim 1:14, it states “Eshkol HaKofer Dodi Li Bekarmei Ein Gedi”
“My Beloved is unto me as a cluster of Camphire (Henna) in the vineyards of En-Gedi”
From this cluster of Henna is derived the Sephardic Henna ceremony.
The dye of Henna made with powder from the leaves of this small desert tree plant was mixed with rose water to form an orange colored paint. It has been used since ancient times as cosmetics.
The bride and her family and friends would gather for the henna ceremony, usually at the bride’s home. There would be music and dancing and very colorful clothing and jewelry given to the bride. The bride’s hands and sometimes feet would be painted with various designs and symbols to ward off the ayin hara (evil eye).
The first three letters of Challah, Nida and Hadlakat Neirot (the three mitzvos of the woman) Chet Nun Heh is reflected the word for (C)Henna .
Shalom Zachor
The next Simcha to take place after the wedding would be the birth of a new baby. The birth of a boy would be celebrated with the Shalom Zachar, Bris Milah and sometimes a Pidyon Haben while the newborn girl would be named during the reading of the Torah ceremony on the following Monday, Thursday or Shabbos after her birth.
Chickpeas are usually served at the Shalom Zachor (welcoming the male) ceremony. The chicpeas are round, symbolizing the cycle of life and mourning. We mourn because we believe before the baby’s birth, in the mother’s womb, the baby had been taught the entire Torah,(Niddah 30b) and when the angel pinched the baby above its mouth, all the Torah it learned was forgotten.
According to Rav Yaakov Emden the “Zachor” of the Shalom Zachor does not refer to the male but to the Hebrew word “Zachor” to remember. The purpose of the seudah is to remind the child what he learned and we do this on Shabbos, the day about which is written “ Zachor (remember) the Sabbath day.”
THe Derisha by Rabbi Yehoshua Falk (16th century) says that there are seven days of mourning after the boy is born in order to mourn the Torah he lost and only after the shivah, does he become circumcised.
Vach Nacht
A vach nacht (“watch night” in Yiddish) is the night before the bris milah (“circumcision”) when the newborn is in need of added spiritual protection. Many Ashkenazi Jews have children come and recite the Shema Yisrael and other verses from the Torah near the baby. In many Sephardic communities, the corresponding ceremony is called Brit Yitzchak (“covenant of Isaac”.)
Since the night before the bris (circumcision) of a newborn is considered a spiritually dangerous time for the baby.the father would gather a minyan to study Torah to protect him. In most Sephardic communities, the men of the family and their friends gather to recite portions of the Zohar that relate to circumcision.
Many parents hang Kabbalistic charts on the walls and door of the child’s room as a protection against the Satan. Some also place the circumcision knife under the mother’s or child’s pillow for added protection.
According to Rabbi Peysach Krohn in his book on Bris Milah published by Artscroll, a large tray of apples would be served at Persian circumcisions. This was based on the Medrash that when Pharoah ordered all newborn males to be killed by the midwives, the Jewish women hid in the apple orchards. This is alluded to the Pasuk “Under the apple tree I begot you” (Shir Hashirim 8:5).
Rashi states that Hashem visited Avraham on the third day after his Bris Milah, which is the most painful time. Avraham enjoyed fulfilling the mitzvah of hachnosas orchim, even when he was in pain.. He could have relied upon the priniciple of “osek b’mitzvah patur min ha’mitzvah” ( one who is busy performing a mitzvah is exempt from being performing another mitzvah), but didn’t.
It is for this reason Chassidim made a special celebration on the third day after the bris, called Shlishi Lemilah, reminiscent of Hashem’s visiting Avrohom. Some make a seudah at home with a minyan, some without a minyan, and some make a small kiddush in shul.
Pidyon Haben
On the 31st day of the birth of a first born non- Levite son (born naturally), five silver coins are given to a Cohen to redeem the child from being dedicated to G-d and working in the Beis HaMikdash. The first born Jewish sons were saved during the tenth plague of Pharaoh when all Egyptian first born sons were killed. In gratitude for their having been saved, the first born sons of the Israelites were supposed to be dedicated to G-d and work in the Beis HaMikdash. Because the tribe of Levi was the only one that did not participate in the sin of the Golden Calf, members of its tribe received the honor of working in the Bais HaMikdash instead. When five coins  of the first born son of an Israelite (non-Levi) are given to a Cohen by the father, the son is redeemed.
The baby is often presented on a silver tray, surrounded by gold jewelry lent by the women in attendance. This is to draw attention to the fact that the women in the Midbar refused to give their Jewerly for the sin of the Golden Calf. The act of Pidyon Haben is believed to inspire not only the participants but anyone who shares food from the the Pidyon HaBen meal. It is for this reason small packages of sugar and garlic are distributed to the assembled so that they themselves can cook with these foods and have more people derive inspiration from the Pidyon Haben. Sugar and garlic can last a long times and enhance meals of others long after the Pidyon Haben has taken place. Sugar is symbolic of sweetness and garlic of fertility.
The Torah discusses the Pidyon Habe”m” (Bamidbar 3:49). We break the word up, referring to “PId” (numercial value of Peh Daled is 84) Yom days, that partaking of the meal of a Pidyon Haben is the same as if volunteering to fast for 84 days.
The Benei Israel of India for a long time did not observe the Mitzvah of Pidyon Haben. Since they did not have any Kohanim, the law was forgotten. However, once Jewish teachers from Cochin came to educate them they were introduced to the Mitzvah. When a Kohen from Cochin, Baghdad or a foreign locate would visit, they would observe the Mitzvah.
Upsheren/First Haircut
The Minhag of not cutting the hair of a boy until his third birthday is based on the verse in Devorim 20:19, Adam eitz Hasadeh, that a man is like the tree of the field. Just as the fruit of a tree is forbidden the first three years because of Orlah, a boy’s hair should not be cut till he reaches his third birthday.
It is called in Hebrew, Chalaka and in Yiddish, Upsheren.
Yaakov calls himself “Chalak” (smooth) in the pasuk in Bereishis 27:11 when he describes himself to his mother Rifkah, and this may be the origin of the word Chalakah, which means haircut.
There is usually a birthday party where all the guests snip off  a small lock of hair. Some fathers take their son to a Godol or Rebbe to snip off  the first lock.
Rabbi Chaim Vital, a prominent disciple of the Kabbalist Rabbi Yitzchak Luriah, writes that his teacher, Rabbi Luriah went to the Kever of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai to cut his son’s hair as was the custom.
Every year, thousands of Jews take their three year olds to Meron to have their hair cut there.
Once the three year old has had his haircut, he is given a yarmuke and pair of Tzitzis to wear.
The late Lubavitcher Rebbe maintained that the custom of the ” upsherenish” as it is often called by Chassidim is to train the child to leave peyos when his hair is being cut.
Bar Mitzvah
Bar (literally son of) Mitzvah is celebrated when a young man become thirteen years old and begins to wear Tefillin. It is customary for the Bar Mitzvah boy to be called up for an aliyah, lein (chant) the Torah portion or Haftarah and give a speech demonstrating proficiency in learning.
Rabbi Shlomo Luria (1510-1573) known as the“Maharshal” notes in his Yam Shel Shlomo (Bava Kamma 7:37) that one should make a Seudas Mitzvah on the occasion of a boy’s Bar Mitzvah and at the feast a sermon should be delivered by the Bar Mitzvah boy.
It is not unusual that at the special Seudah for the Bar Mitzvah, the friends of the Bar Mitzvah bochur interrupt his speech with much singing. The reason for this custom (which is especially prevalent by Chassidim) to interrupt the Bar Mitzvah Bochur’s derashah is in order not to embarrass the person who doesn’t have what to say.
On a number of occasions, the late Lubavitcher Rebbe spoke about this custom.
In a private audience with the Gerrer Rebbe Reb Pinchas Menachem Alter ZTL. and Rabbi Menashe Klein on the 13th Elul 5739 , the Lubavitch Rebbe related that when his father-in-law the Previous Rebbe came to Poland, to celebrate the Bar Mitzvah of his grandchild, he was surprised that the boy was interrupted in the middle of his speech. The previous Rebbe believed that when you travel to a place, you should follow their customs. For this reason, he requested his grandson deliver his speech twice, once without any interruption and then the second time, where the boys were permitted to sing and interrupt the speech.
The Previous Rebbe did mention that he found the entire custom incredibl:e “a Jew says words of Torah and somebody interrupts him.”
. Second Bar Mitzvah
Based on the Pasuk in Tehillim 90:10 Yemei Shnoseinu Bahem Shivim Shana, The days of our years are numbered seventy years, it has become a custom for eighty three years olds to celebrate a second Bar Mitzvah, by making a Kiddush.